“My mind spiraled, my stomach sank. Prolapse.”

A recounted journey navigating pelvic organ prolapse…

The experience of pelvic organ prolapse is a daunting journey when you’re in the midst of navigating the new role of being a mother. When I first experienced symptoms of a bladder prolapse in the months following my first child’s birth, I was beyond devastated.

The sensation of the pelvic floor heaviness, a constant dragging feeling, was something that not only inhibited me physically, but encompassed so much of my brain space.

Prior to pregnancy, I was an avid runner, backcountry hiker, cross country and downhill skier and generally someone that was just frequently “on the go”. I was quite proactive in my pregnancy in seeking out support and guidance in ways to prepare for birth, and what I could do to protect my pelvic floor. While prolapse wasn’t really on my radar (to be honest, I wasn’t even aware of this birth injury during pregnancy), I did get help from a lovely pelvic floor physiotherapist on how to relax and strengthen my pelvic floor muscles- mine were both tight and weak at the time so I learned a lot about how to release and build some strength.

Fast forward to my birth- it was fast and furious. I was induced because my water had been broken for nearly 18hrs and labour had not begun. The induction worked FAST! I delivered vaginally and had some 2nd degree tears. These healed well but I did feel so weak and sore for several weeks. I followed up with pelvic floor physio in the months following birth to work on improving strength.

It wasn’t until about 10 months postpartum that I experienced the dreaded heaviness. My mind spiraled. I googled my symptoms (yes, I know, probably the last thing I should have done). My stomach sank. Prolapse. That’s what I was experiencing. I read further- suggestions on medical and other reputable websites citing that women with prolapse can enjoy light walking, should avoid any heavy lifting, will likely require surgery…It also talked about it often occurring post-menopause. Geez! I was only 32 years old. I had my whole life ahead of me and a new baby boy to care for. What about our stroller runs? Hiking with him in my backpack in the summer? Showing him and any future kids that I’m a strong mama and having them attend my running races?

All of these dreams were no longer going to be mine. The image I had of me as a woman, as the mother I wanted to be was altered in the worst way possible. Who would I be if I couldn’t run again? Gosh, what if I can’t even pick up my baby anymore? The thoughts were constant and overwhelming in those early weeks, months.

While my grief continued, I did have the ability and strength to get some help. I am thankful for my husband and friends who listened to me and helped me process my feelings in those dark days. I also got serious about everything I could do to manage this injury. I went back to PF physio and my physiotherapist was the most supportive person! She acknowledged and validated how I was feeling while also giving me great direction on what I could do to alleviate symptoms and to improve the support for my pelvic floor.

As someone who has little patience, who wants fast results (or maybe that’s all of us!), the healing journey was hard and slow. It was difficult to see the progress I was making. I just wanted to feel “me” again and to not think so much about my pelvic floor. Over time though, I reached a point where I was already doing things I never imagined I’d do again. I was out hiking again, I was dancing with my son, I was shovelling snow. These may seem so small to some but to me they did signify that I was making progress.

Many people with prolapse carefully consider having subsequent pregnancies because of fear of the prolapse worsening. After about a year of working hard to improve my symptoms, I felt that I was ready to entertain the idea of having a second child. I had huge fears but I also didn’t want my prolapse to prevent me from doing even more things. I did become pregnant and by the third trimester, I did start to struggle more with symptoms again. I was prepared for this though. I had another vaginal birth and healed a lot quicker the second time around.

Unfortunately I did experience another prolapse- a rectocele in the months following this second delivery. It was frustrating, I’m not going to lie. Again, I was able to get detailed instructions on how to manage this from my physiotherapist. I had a lot more tools and knowledge and resilience at this point. I carried on as we often do as moms with young kids.

I have been living with prolapse for over 5 years now. As I’ve recounted above, it’s been a long journey with progress that has not always appeared to be linear. There have been setbacks and having to climb back up again. In this past year, I felt like my progress was rather stagnant. I knew I had to work on gaining more strength and mobility to allow me to be strong into my older years. I also still craved the idea of doing more than I was comfortable doing. I was still doing very safe exercises- walking, swimming, biking. I wanted to play more with my kids. To jump with them. To run with them. Without fear that my organs might fall out.

I knew I needed to take the next step and move beyond this safety net I had placed myself in. This was when I sought the help from Lindsay. She has been so instrumental in helping me to get out of the rut I was in. I am jumping again! I am feeling my muscles come alive. I feel my body becoming stronger. I have also, not surprisingly, had less symptomatic days. More than that, I feel like more of my old self has returned. I feel much more confidence when I challenge myself physically now. I trust my body so much more and have a newfound appreciation for what my body can still do. Lindsay has cheered me on the whole way.

If you’ve made it this far and are still reading, my takeaways would be the following:

• If you’re also experiencing prolapse, know that you are not alone. You are still you! Find people that will listen to you and help process this life-altering injury.

• Find the professionals that will help you to work on your pelvic floor.

• Get mental health support if needed- you don’t need to tackle this alone.

• And lastly, work through that fear as hard as it may be, because the rewards will be worth it.

Words from Lindsay…

This client has truly been an inspiration in so many ways. Her courage to share her story had my eyes welling up in tears but also my heart bursting with happiness for her. To hear of the challenges that she has had to navigate is heartbreaking. But to now hear her say that she feels like herself again brings about pure amazement. She has taken her health into her own hands and sought out the supports that have gotten her to this point.

If you can relate to this story or have questions about where you should go from here, please feel safe and supported to reach out. We are creating a community of support so that women don’t have to continue to experience these conditions alone.